Build the Routemaster. Just maybe take out a huge loan first.

I really can’t stand these “build you own” magazines. They usually involve you starting to create something using a magazine which is effectively just a bunch of adverts wrapped around some build instructions, and usually the first one in the series is discounted. Then, after you’ve bought the second, third and fourth magazine, you’re kinda getting into it and you’re hooked. Trouble is, you’ve got a long, long way to go, and if you miss a copy you’re screwed.

Today it’s a magazine which is being advertised on TV and it’s called “Build the Routemaster”. The first copy is £1.99. Here’s what you’re going to end up building…

Strangely the TV advert doesn’t properly tell you how long it’ll take to build. Sure, it’s on the screen for about 1 second in the top right corner but you’ll probably not notice it. Don’t worry though, I’ve done the maths. Also, as you’re probably worried about missing a copy and not having all the relevant bits, you can order a subscription. Yay.

Wait a minute though, because if we have a look in the small, small print on their site it clearly states how much things are REALLY going to cost.

Yes, the first issue is £1.99, then the next is £4.99. You’d think that’d be it wouldn’t you? Oh no baby. This is going to go up and up. After issue one and two, issue three and EVERY issue after that is £8.99.

“OK”, you think. “That’s still not overly terrible”.

Oh wait though, because this is going to keep you going for AGES. On the site, in the smallest font possible and spread across two background colours just to make it super hard to read, it says..

Can’t read that? It’s OK, I can make the relevant bit it a bit bigger for you…

Model complete in 130 issues.

Yes, 130 issues. One comes out each week, so that’s TWO AND A HALF YEARS WORTH OF WORK.

Your bus is going to cost you A HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY too. £1.99 for the first issue, £4.99 for the second. That’s £6.98. Then you’ve got 128 remaining issues at £8.99. That’s £1,150.72. Add it to the £6.98 for the first couple of issues and you’re going to be paying a grand total of…

£1157.70 for a model of a bus!

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?

No wonder they’ve got money for TV adverts!!!!

BUY THAT? BUILD IT? MY ARSE!!